BE YOURSELF
"Am I too
fat?"
"Will she think I'm dumb?"
You are who you
are and it's best not to worry about it. Know that
you're a good person, be honest with yourself and
others, and above all, try to relax.
BE RESOURCEFUL
"What
should I expect?"
"What if he hates me?"
You may feel more
in control of the possibilities by finding out how other
families have handled reunions. In addition to
reading books, there is much information on the Internet
and in the library or bookstore. It might be a
good idea to seek out the advice of a professional
counselor, too.
BE RESPECTFUL
"Why can't
we all spend Christmas together?"
Your newfound
relatives have an entire history – which doesn't include
you. It is important to respect their lifestyles
and desires, just as they need to respect your.
BE SENSITIVE
"Separated
all these years
– we must make up for lost time!"
Be a good listener
and try to be aware of how others are feeling. In
the joy of getting to know one another, we need to
remember that it's normal for adoptive parents to feel
threatened, or at least uncertain. When I met my
son, I wrote many letters to his adoptive parents.
Those letters helped reassure them that they weren't
going to lose their son. Keep in mind that adopted
people are fiercely loyal to their adoptive families –
and rightly so.
BE PATIENT
"I've known
her for three weeks and she's never even hugged me."
Sometimes it takes
years for people to bond. And sometimes people end
up slowly drifting away from each other. Be
patient with your relationship. Don't try to push,
and don't hang back needlessly. Let things develop
naturally. I've been reunited with my adult son
for almost 12 years and we're still getting to know each
other.
TALK ABOUT IT
"I wonder
if he thinks I didn't want him."
"I wonder if she knows that I've always loved her."
Don't try to
second-guess anyone. The best way to find out what
you want to know is to ask. Be open and honest.
BE UNDERSTANDING
"Why are
they acting this way?"
You may feel a bit
like an emotional octopus – trying to understand
everybody all at once. Don't forget, siblings,
grandparents, everybody's relatives, friends and
co-workers are all going to be influenced in some way by
your reunion.
ASK FOR HELP
"I can't
handle this."
The most
courageous people I know are those who see a counselor
or other mental health professional when things get
rough.
KEEP IT IN
PERSPECTIVE
"This is
only part of who I am."
Especially at
first, it's easy to make your reunion a central focus.
Don't forget the other people and activities in your
life. And rest assured, things will calm down over
time.
ENJOY YOUR LIFE
"All in
all, the world is pretty much okay, when we stop to
think
about it."
No matter how your
reunion and relationship turn out, remember that you're
in charge of your own happiness. What you do with
your life is ultimately up to you.