First Steps For Search & Reunion

By Doug Johnson, PACER Board Member

Every situation is unique, but if you are starting from the beginning, here are the basic steps to get you started. A more detailed discussion on how to search can be found in the articles written by adoptee Shea Grimm.  

Start with these steps, and when you have gotten a better idea of what your search will entail, then ask yourself:  Do I want to search on my own?  Is this something I have the time to do?  Or should I bring in a professional.

One more general observation. It is quite natural to feel upset and frustrated when trying to get basic information about oneself. Please, try to be patient and wait a day to follow up with someone who is not sympathetic to your cause, you may have to go back and interact with that very person.

Search professionals usually specialize in states. If you live in California, Colleen Buckner is a quality professional who works on a no-find/no-fee basis. Her price is quite reasonable. If you need the help of a professional, I would say contact someone like Colleen or someone on our search resources link, and ask for a referral. The community is small, these folks know who is legitimate, and they know the ins and outs of the search industry. See our guidelines for paid search link to the left for more information.

Okay, here are the basics to get the ball rolling.

• Send away for your non-identifying information. This may take some time to get, so do this first. Contact the adoption agency that placed you and request your non-identifying information. This agency will provide you with non-identifying information on your birthmother and birthfather. This is your right, they have to provide you with this information. For a list of what should be on the non-identifying information go to our link on the left. Of course the classic caveat with non-identifying is it may be made up, but that is just a caveat, we have to work with what we got. If your non-identifying information is incomplete, then call for more information. If something is murky, then call for more information. They are often times busy, so be respectful, but don't let them be apathetic, or bully you around, this is important, and you have every right. By completing this step you will likely save yourself frustration, and time. Non-identifying information will be the cornerstone of any successful search. It helps to locate the right person, and confirm they really are the right person. Tip: while waiting for non-identifying information, read adoption literature and join a support group.
   
• If you so desire, ask to place a consent for contact letter in your file. The rules around consent for contact vary from state to state. It is possible that your birthmother, birthfather, or sibling has placed a letter in the file already. Some states offer to act as intermediaries, others just hold the letters and when both are there, they will do something. Find out how your state policy on consent for contact. Ask them if you submit a letter and there is one waiting in the file for you, what course of action will they take.
   
• If you were born in Alaska, Oregon, Kansas, Alabama, New Hampshire, or Maine, then these states have unrestricted access to original birth records.  Call, write, or email to find out how to get copies.
   
• Collect all the information you possibly can from relatives, adoptive parents, and anyone else that may know your birth circumstances. The goal is to get as much information as possible. Names, dates, cities, colleges, siblings, significant others, as much information as possible. Late in your search this information can be used to pin point the exact person, and enable you to get their contact information.
   
• Go to the Superior Court of the county seat in which you were born and request documents related to your adoption. In my case they were quite fussy about talking to an adoptee, but requesting your records politely and accepting whatever they will give is a first step. Ask them if your adoptive parents can get the full court documentation. Each county has their own policy and it can change. Last update I heard these counties allow your adoptive parents, only one is needed, to access the Final Adoption Decree, which will have your birthmother's name (California counties): Alameda, Contra Costa, Glenn, Marin, Napa, Orange, Santa Clara, Santa Cruz, Shasta, Sonoma. Either of your adoptive parents can send a notarized letter or do it in person. The case file number is helpful. Copies of the documents will cost money. How does this work? Your adoptive parents are the plaintiffs in your adoption case, and may have a right to their court documents. In my case they could, and my birthmother's name and signature was on the relinquishment form. My mom came out of the courthouse crying, she couldn't believe that she could help with my search in such a significant way. Some counties and states will not allow your adoptive parents to access these documents, or they may black out identifying information. It is worth a try if you have the time. Note, if you are working with a clerk who doesn't know what is going on, and it is obvious to you both, politely ask for someone who is knowledgeable or a manager. I am very glad I did. The manager squeamishly informed me that either of my adoptive parents could request my records. I got the feeling that the manager was worried of getting in trouble, even though it was perfectly legal. Be positive and reassuring if possible, and try to not appear desperate or aggressive.
   
• Get on the internet and see if there is a birth index for your state. If you live in California click here, and do the sign in. What you want to do is isolate all those born in the same county, on the same day, and of the same sex. On that list will be your adoptive name and your birth name. Your adoptive name will not have your birth mother's last name, but all those that do have a last name listing, are possibilities. Your name is likely on that list, but the index may be incomplete. Don't know what county you were born in? Check your amended birth certificate.
   
• If you have your birthmother's name, get out your non-identifying information, and every piece of information that can help to verify her from other people with the same names, and call the National Locator Service. For $25, it doesn't get any better than this. Do the call in, they have an 800 number. These folks are better than software or internet search sites. They are good and experienced at working with little information. Any information helps, her birth year, county, significant others, siblings, places she has lived, the whole enchilada. What you will get is a list of all the known addresses and phone numbers for that person and their significant others. It is weird how easy it is to get people's contact information, I digress. If there isn't enough information to positively conclude that this is the person, then double check all your information, and google, google, google. Try genealogy trees, name searches, anything and everything. Don't forget to double check all the information you have, brainstorm and read. It is easy to overlook something during such an emotional endeavor. There are more ways to get information, but that goes beyond this essay.
   
• Put yourself in the International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR). Note: once you go into the registry, if there is a match, the process begins right there and then. If you are not ready, and want to slowly approach the situation, hold off until you are prepared emotionally.