Q: Why would I go
to a support group?
At a support
group you will find a safe and supportive environment.
You will have the opportunity to talk about your
situation, ask for feedback, and listen to the stories
of others in the triad.
Q: What if I want
to come, but am not comfortable talking?
At PACER's
groups, talking is optional. Each person makes their own
choice. Come to listen, come to learn, come to see what
the group is like, any which way, you are welcome to
attend.
Q: What is cross
talk?
One of our
ground rules is "No cross talk." Cross talk is when
someone interjects an unsolicited statement or question
during someone else's allotted time, and that person has
not asked for feedback. This rule is in place to create
a safe experience for each individual.
Q: What can be
gained from listening to others in the adoption triad?
The stories of
others can open up personal insights, new perspectives
on our stories, and a greater understanding of our
adoption experiences. Often the group is diverse,
and the different stories help to widen our perspectives
and deepen our understanding.
Q: Who goes to
these groups?
PACER offers a
variety of support groups. Some are for birthmothers
only, others are for adoptees only, and still others are
for anyone in the adoption triad. As the attendance is
voluntary, the groups can change over time. There is often a lot of wisdom in the room.
A
broad cross-section of people attends our groups.
Q: How will I
feel?
There is no pat
answer. Your experience will be unique to you. Some
people feel very comfortable in our groups.
They respond well to being around others with similar
feelings and experiences. Others might feel
alienated, or have a difficult time listening to the
stories of different attendees. Search and reunion, for example, can
be both joyous and difficult. At any given time you
might find people experiencing different feelings under
similar circumstances.
Q: What will I
learn?
Ultimately, we
believe the purpose of our groups is to create a safe
and supportive environment for the individual to explore
their own feelings and situations. The diverse stories
in any given group can help the individual gain a
deeper perspective on his or her own story.
Q: Who facilitates
the support groups?
The facilitator
is a peer, not a licensed therapist. Our facilitators
are part of the triad, and are well versed in adoption
topics.
Q: What does the
facilitator do?
As a peer and a
part of the group, our facilitators are there to create
continuity, open the meeting, state the ground rules,
gently guide transitions between speakers, enforce the
ground rules if need be, and finish the meeting on
time. The facilitators are participants in the meetings
and shares their experiences just like everyone else.
Q: Do I have to
pay to go to a support group?
That depends on
the group. Most groups don't charge anything. Some
groups ask for a voluntary donation to help with the
cost of renting the meeting space. If you are not a
member, a small donation of $2 to $5 is welcomed, but
not required. Each participant is welcome to
join PACER and
become a member.
Q: How much time
will I have?
This will
depend on how many people attend the meeting. Most of
our groups meet for two hours, and the time is
split evenly among the people in attendance. Usually
each
person will have around fifteen minutes.
Q: How much
individual attention can I expect?
If a situation
needs time, the group naturally finds a way to give the
needed time. Say if someone just reunited, for example,
the group wants to hear all about it, and finds the time
for this special situation. Furthermore, each person can
ask for feedback from the group, and use their time that
way. If the situation is more delicate, then after the
meeting, people are usually approachable and more than
willing to listen and give.
Q: How do I get
into a support group?
Call or email
one of the facilitators listed on our
Support
Groups page.